choose among your favorites, discarding the one you will miss the least...Continue
discarding until all of your favorites are gone.
Take careful note
of how it feels to imagine losing all of your most favorites, including
your favorite person.
A child's favorites
are perhaps easier to recognize, but please consider the favorites of
babies and the very real losses they experience during the hand-off of
The regular in and out of my mother's breathing and the dependable rhythm
of her heart beat. But mostly the sound of her voice.
My mother's milk, created exclusively for me. And the taste of her skin,
her breast. It is all one.
The scent of my mother's skin as I bury my face in her neck. It is basic
and right. It is where I belong.
Cradled in my mother's arms, next to the sounds and smells that I have
experienced since my conception. This is home.
Baby's favorite person: My mother
is my universe. She is a part of me just as I am a part of her. No one
can replace her. If I am separated from her, I will long for her my
of their age, whether they are newborn or older, domestically adopted
or foreign, give up all their favorite things when they are adopted.
The loss begins
with their name. They lose all information about themselves and their
origins. They lose their identity.
They lose it all.
They lose the smells and tastes and sounds and places and people with
whom they are familiar...all of their favorites. Everything they have
ever known is gone and changed forever.
Their greatest loss,
which you surely understand, is the loss of their favorite person. They
lose their most favorite person, irrevocably.
By recognizing an adoptee's loss, we can endeavor to ease the pain by
maintaining as much of her or her previous life as possible. With empathy
we can make their transition more humane.
"Loss in the Adoption Hand-Off" by Darlene Gerow
"This is my effort to help make adoption, when it is necessary,
I dedicate it to all the adoptees in my life".
The Canadian Council of Natural Mothers